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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day - Advice?

Here is a Father's Day email that COAF Field Team Member - Zeke Rutlegde received from a buddy. Posting the email message for other Dads... thought it was funny! May have to use some of the advice given...

 
Hi All,
Wishing all the Dads a Happy Father's Day! Cannot go without a day relearning the "Fatherly" things that Dad taught me. Really glad to have been prepared for the good and bad moments that come with a family, fatherhood, and yes... even getting older (I mean "aging" in the sense of fine wine getting better over time and not like my receding hairline or the progressive eyeglasses that I wear now).

Possessing this knowledge and experience as a Dad, I would like to share my plans to pass on this information to my Son. Please feel free to try this on your kids.

Although we know a lot, let us not give away everything. Therefore, I intend to withhold bits of fatherly advice because our Sons must learn some things on their own. Specifically,

- You should say "No" to a child's request at random. There should be no reason as to your decision. This is to keep the child guessing how you think and your thought process. Remember if they think you are crazy, then they will stay on edge... which is the point.

- If your teenage daughter asks if her "***** look bigger", you respond incoherently. Do not,... I repeat answer in the definitive. She must never know that she is attractive to boys.

- You can repeat over, and over, and over, and over.... again and again and again to pick up your "______" (fill in the blank with shoes, keys, phones, homework, etc...) the child will never remember that you told them this. Instead, the child's behavior will only change when forgetting causes them to lose out on something that personally affects them - lost cash, low grade, missed appointment/class,....

- Children become deaf and mute when you begin a sentence with "When I was your age...."

- "California Stops" are illegal but I do them anyways when you are not in the car with me.

- Finally, I cherish each memory of when they were "cute and cuddly" and relive them during acts of stupidity that they display to keep me sane. Note: Stupidity is defined as something I never would admit I did when I was their age, too. (Also, I may have to share this one with my Son. Still debating over this).

Happy Father's Day to the Dads; have a beer, wine, shot or even better... have several! And, most important.... Thank you Dad for all you taught meas well as did not tell me intentionally. It worked!

Happy Fathers Day!
"Proceeding In Life With Complete Oblivion"

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